A sample of Come Home to Yourself
Come Home to Yourself
Déjà Rae
Thought Catalog Books — thoughtcatalog.com — New York • Los Angeles
Copyright © 2022 Déjà Rae.
All rights reserved.
Published by Thought Catalog Books, an imprint of the digital magazine Thought Catalog, which is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company LLC, an independent media organization based in Brooklyn, New York and Los Angeles, California.
This book was produced by Chris Lavergne and Noelle Beams with art direction and design by KJ Parish. Special thanks to Isidoros Karamitopoulos for circulation management.
thoughtcatalog.com | shopcatalog.com
Made in the United States of America.
ISBN 978-1-949759-52-5
I used to dream about the day
you would finally love me.
I crafted storylines and scenarios, I imagined every little detail in my mind, anxiously waiting for the day to come. I thought about the words you would say, the way I would feel, the light in my eyes that would finally resurface after all this time apart. I thought about the way we would laugh together so nostalgically, reflecting back on all our missed time. I thought about the secrets we would share, the love we would make, the life we would create.
But even as I watched the years pass and seasons change, and the leaves fall and blossom over and over again—you still didn’t love me. My days became longer, the winters felt colder, the dreams I had of us became distant and dismal.
And then on one summer day, I sat down and looked deeply into myself. I felt the sun shining on my skin and the breeze swirling through my hair. I heard birds chirping, and people laughing, and in that very moment I realized it had been years since I had truly felt anything besides the longing for you to love me.
It turns out, in the seasons I spent waiting for you, I was withdrawing from myself. I was so consumed in my dreams, I lost sight of my own life. I had forgotten that the earth was spinning, that time was passing, that there was a world out there waiting for my attention.
I no longer dream about the day you will finally love me, because I have found that love in myself. My dreams no longer consist of you; my power does not lie with someone else.
Table of Contents
- Section I — Truth
- Section II — Pain
- Section III — Abundance
Section I — Truth
Your capacity to love is marked
by your capacity to be alone.
People can only love you to the extent they love themselves. People can only see you as clearly as they see themselves. People can only understand you to the depth that they understand themselves.
Do not be disheartened by the people who can’t love you, who can’t see you, who can’t understand you.
Their perception of you is merely a reflection of themselves.
Some people want love, but don’t know how to love.
Love is both a feeling and an action. Just because someone wants to love you does not mean they know how to love you. This disparity often causes us to open our arms to the wrong people. We assume that emotion will evoke action. We think a feeling is enough to fulfill us.
The truth is, there is a learning curve with love. It takes practice, patience, and persistence to learn how to properly love another.
Some will step up to the challenge, others will fall short.
If someone tells you they’re emotionally unavailable, please believe them.
You’re not going to change their mind. You’re not going to shake the ground they walk on and reroute their course. You’re just not.
Please understand, if someone is not ready for love, there is nothing you can say and nothing you can do that will make them love you. You will only end up breaking your own heart.
Believe their actions, believe what they tell you.
You deserve to be loved freely.
Not everyone has the capacity for intimacy.
It’s not that they don’t love you or don’t care about your feelings, they just haven’t given themselves permission to feel. They haven’t allotted themselves the space to care. They’ve settled on the surface and refuse to go any deeper.
Intimacy requires vulnerability, it requires us to open the door to our caged hearts and expose our most tender spaces.
But many people have decided the possibility of pain overrides the ecstasy of love.
Sometimes people just want the easier choice.
Sometimes people aren’t ready for someone who will challenge them. They don’t want someone who will mirror back their insecurities, who will push them to grow outside themselves. They aren’t willing to share such a depth of love, they aren’t prepared for the pain that may come with it.
So, they opt for the easier choice. They choose complacency, they settle in the safety zone.
But at a great cost.
Many people never leave the safety zone. Many people never experience what true love really is.
Download the original sample (PDF)
Back to book options