Be The One

A sample of Be The One

Be the One

Eileen Lamb

Thought Catalog Books

thoughtcatalog.com

New York • Los Angeles

Copyright © 2021 Eileen Lamb. All rights reserved.

Published by Thought Catalog Books, an imprint of the digital magazine Thought Catalog, which is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company LLC, an independent media organization based in Brooklyn, New York and Los Angeles, California.

This book was produced by Chris Lavergne and Noelle Beams with art direction and design by KJ Parish. Special thanks to Bianca Sparacino for creative editorial direction and Isidoros Karamitopoulos for circulation management.

Visit us online at thoughtcatalog.com and shopcatalog.com.

Made in the United States of America.

ISBN 978-1-949759-31-0

Introduction

When I browse social media, posts that stop me in my tracks are the ones that make me think, "I could have written this myself." These posts provide me with a sense of relief, a glimmer of hope that I’m not alone in my feelings. I usually feel like a Martian until I hear someone share feelings that I thought were foreign to everyone but me.

As humans, we tend to shy away from expressing our feelings. We’re afraid that our emotions make us appear weak. We’re afraid we’ll be misunderstood, or worse, ignored. We’re afraid we’ll get hurt, so we convince ourselves that the safest route is to bury our emotions deep inside our heart to eliminate the risk of getting hurt or not being acknowledged.

The more we keep our emotions to ourselves, the more that cycle of loneliness continues. We feel alone, and because no one else talks about vulnerable topics, we start believing that something is wrong with us. In turn, we are even less likely to open up. While it’s vulnerable to say, "I’m struggling," "I’m scared," or simply, "I love you," it’s needed. It’s brave.

I’m writing this book for those who feel lonely. I’m breaking the circle and turning it into a horseshoe so people can come in to join me in sharing and celebrating feelings, emotions, and vulnerability. Whether you’re dealing with mental health issues, whether you’re simply trying to find yourself in this world and fulfill your dreams, or whether you’re looking for people who get you, this book is for you. In a series of short texts, I weave through stories about friendship, love, and self-discovery. I promise you, you are not alone.

To Bastien…

Love is worth the risk

We live in an age where social media dictates how we feel about ourselves. It’s difficult to put ourselves out there when people’s likes and comments, or lack thereof, define how we feel about ourselves. I’ve been there. I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t sometimes get scared before I hit "publish" on vulnerable posts. It’s not just the fear of people reacting negatively, but also the fear of people not reacting at all. I once read something along the lines of, "you can be the yummiest, juiciest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who doesn’t like peaches." And that’s it. I think if we’re going to be happy with ourselves, we need to accept that not everyone will see us how we hope for them to—not everyone is compatible with everyone else. And that’s okay.

If you are proud of what you’re doing, of what you’re sharing, then that’s enough. Be your own biggest fan. Be proud of yourself for being vulnerable, for expressing something different, and for being unique and standing out when the world pushes you to fit in.

At the end of the day, you need to be your own judge—your own validation.

While it feels good to receive praise and acknowledgment from people you love, and internet points from strangers, if you don’t feel good about what you bring to the table, then it’s merely a victory. The best validation you can get is your own. It’s feeling so good about what you bring into the world that people’s validation doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

When you’re the girl who overthinks, everything becomes more complex. You analyze every little detail—every text, every glance, every change in demeanor. Like a detective looking for clues where there aren’t any, you have a hard time believing there’s no hidden meaning behind what you see. A one-word answer means they’re mad at you. No answer means they want nothing to do with you anymore. Your mind skips right past the logical explanation that maybe they’re having a hard day or that they’re busy. No, it’s personal.

You spend hours typing and re-typing a two phrase answer, shaking as you hit "send," and re-rereading your message over and over until they finally answer.

You come off as needy, and you wish people understood that your heart, trust, and feelings have been broken before, and you’re just trying to protect yourself. You prepare yourself for the worst in a vain attempt to cushion your soul because if you’re prepared for the pain, it hurts a little less.

It’s hard for you to believe that happiness can happen to you. You believe the universe has a way of balancing everything, so even when it’s all going well, you’re scared that it’s going to get taken away. You constantly feel drained from the intensity of your mind that never stops throwing a tornado of thoughts at you. You wish there was an off button but there’s not. You know it makes it harder for people to love you, so you’re thankful for the people who stay—those who know you need a little more reassurance than most.

You know you’ve found the right person when they love you when you are sad. They’ve seen you at your worst and they don’t run away. They won’t even mention that you’re telling them the same story for the third time today. They listen every time like it’s the first. They hug you quietly when you can’t express the messiness of your mind in coherent thoughts. They stay. In a world where people run away at the first sight of struggle, find the one who stays. They’re the keeper that keeps your heart safe.

The truth is, letting go is difficult. It doesn’t matter how much your head wants to move on if your heart is still right there, stuck in the past, and filled with hope. Letting go doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not a linear process. There will be days when it doesn’t hurt but there will be others when the simple act of listening to your favorite song or seeing their favorite brand of pasta at the store will throw you into a tailspin. And that’s okay.

It doesn’t mean you’re broken or weak. It means you’re human. You can’t quickly forget someone responsible for some of your happiest memories. Not like that—not in the blink of an eye. It takes time, so be kind to yourself while you navigate the healing journey. They may be no longer in your life like they were, but they’ll forever be in your heart. Be patient with yourself while stuck in the in-between place—the place between here and there. That place between wanting to move on and holding on tighter. Even though right now you can’t see it through your tear-filled eyes, you’ll get through this. I promise, you will. And on those hard days, remind yourself that when life doesn’t give you what you want, it’s because there’s usually something better coming up next.

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