A sample of How You'll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign
How You’ll Do Everything Based on Your Zodiac Sign
Created by Chrissy Stockton
Thought Catalog Books · thoughtcatalog.com · New York • Los Angeles
Copyright © 2020 Thought Catalog. All rights reserved. Published by Thought Catalog Books, an imprint of the digital magazine Thought Catalog, which is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company LLC, an independent media organization based in Brooklyn, New York and Los Angeles, California. This book was produced by Chris Lavergne and Noelle Beams.
Art direction and design by KJ Parish. Illustrations by Ava Puckett. Special thanks to Chrissy Stockton and Bianca Sparacino for creative editorial direction and Isidoros Karamitopoulos for circulation management. Visit us on the web at thoughtcatalog.com and shopcatalog.com. Made in the United States of America. ISBN 978-1-949759-26-6
Zodiac Signs Reference Guide
- Aries Dates:
- March 21 - April 19
- Taurus Dates:
- April 20 - May 20
- Gemini Dates:
- May 21 - June 20
- Cancer Dates:
- June 21 - July 22
- Leo Dates:
- July 23 - August 22
- Virgo Dates:
- August 23 - September 22
- Libra Dates:
- September 23 - October 22
- Scorpio Dates:
- October 23 - November 21
- Sagittarius Dates:
- November 22 - December 21
- Capricorn Dates:
- December 22 - January 19
- Aquarius Dates:
- January 20 - February 18
- Pisces Dates:
- February 19 - March 20
Table of contents
- Here's What Kind Of Crazy Ex You Are — 7
- This Is What Your Ex Still Misses About You — 11
- The Nastiest Thing You Are Willing To Do In Bed — 15
- Here's How You'll Become Rich — 18
- Here's Why You're The Black Sheep Of Your Family — 22
- Here's Exactly What Would Happen To You In A Horror Movie — 26
- The Type Of Person Who's Attracted To You — 29
- The Telltale Sign You *Really* Like Someone — 33
- The Best Compliment Someone Could Give You — 37
- ARIES OVERVIEW — 41
- If Aries Was... — 42
- Personality Traits — 43
- Compatibility & Relationships — 44
- TAURUS OVERVIEW — 53
- If Taurus was... — 54
- Personality Traits — 55
- Compatibility & Relationships — 56
- GEMINI OVERVIEW — 65
- If Gemini Was... — 66
- Personality Traits — 67
- Compatibility & Relationships — 68
- CANCER OVERVIEW — 77
- If Cancer Was... — 78
- Personality Traits — 79
- Compatibility & Relationships — 80
- LEO OVERVIEW — 89
- If Leo Was... — 90
- Personality Traits — 91
- Compatibility & Relationships — 92
- VIRGO OVERVIEW — 101
- If Virgo Was... — 102
- Personality Traits — 103
- Compatibility & Relationships — 104
- LIBRA OVERVIEW — 113
- If A Libra Was... — 114
- Personality Traits — 115
- Compatibility & Relationships — 116
- SCORPIO OVERVIEW — 125
- If Scorpio Was... — 126
- Personality Traits — 127
- Compatibility & Relationships — 128
- SAGITTARIUS OVERVIEW — 137
- If Sagittarius Was... — 138
- Personality Traits — 139
- Compatibility & Relationships — 140
- CAPRICORN OVERVIEW — 149
- If A Capricorn Were... — 150
- Personality Traits — 151
- Compatibility & Relationships — 152
- AQUARIUS OVERVIEW — 161
- If Aquarius Was... — 162
- Personality Traits — 163
- Compatibility & Relationships — 164
- PISCES OVERVIEW — 173
- If Pisces Was... — 174
- Personality Traits — 175
- Compatibility & Relationships — 176
- Here's What You Need To Cut Out Of Your Life — 184
- Why Everyone Is Jealous Of You — 187
- The Unedited Truth About Why You Suck — 190
- What You Need To Overcome In Order To Find Love — 193
- This Is How You Attract People — 199
- Here's What Kind Of Girlfriend You Are — 203
- The Unedited Truth About Whether He Really Likes You — 206
- The Bitter Truth About Why He Was A Shitty Boyfriend — 210
- This Is How You're Going To Die (Probably) — 214
- This Is How Your Partner Prefers To Say "I Love You" — 217
- Index — 221
Here’s What Kind of Crazy Ex You Are
Based on your zodiac sign
Aries
Aries are the kind of crazy exes who become increasingly reckless after a breakup. Their personal loss has them feeling sluggish, but instead of laying on the couch watching Sex and the City reruns and binge-eating burritos like a normal person, they crave exciting distractions to distance themselves from their negative emotions. If one of your exes has suddenly bought a motorcycle, started experimenting with new drugs, or developed an interest in bouldering, they are likely an Aries.
Taurus
Tauruses are the kind of crazy exes you never hear from again but who make broad sweeping changes in their lives afterwards. They cut out mutual friends without saying goodbye and punish their next potential partner by making them jump through a hundred hoops before they’ll commit or open up. Once they’ve been hurt, they’re tempted to close down and not give anyone the opportunity to hurt them again.
Gemini
Geminis are the kind of crazy exes who make important life decisions based on feeling shitty about themselves post-breakup. They’ll cut off all their hair or move to a new country or decide that now is the right time to quit their day job to pursue their art full-time. The thing Geminis are best at is passion, so when they feel sad they want to combat it by getting excited about something new. If you’ve ever had someone totally change personalities after breaking up (think from dad bod to gym bro), they’re probably a Gemini.
Cancer
Cancers are the kind of crazy exes who become extremely slutty (but only toward their ex). They miss the person they loved. They’re hurt and they want to: a) recapture the good feelings they used to have; and: b) show their ex what they are missing with someone who can love them as deeply as Cancers can. So they end up having a lot of very confusing breakup sex (which in their minds is makeup sex). If you have an ex that became hypersexual after you rejected them, they are likely a Cancer.
Leo
Leos are the kind of crazy exes who start posting everything cool they do on social media in an effort to convince everyone around them that they’re sooooo much better off. They miss the attention and affection they got from their relationship, and they need to fill that void somehow. Leos know they’re posting too much (and kind of needy, tbh), but they can’t help themselves.
Virgo
Virgos are the kind of crazy exes who will methodically figure out how to ruin your life (and probably do it). They have all the skills they need: intelligence, focus, problem-solving—and a nasty breakup gives them the single-minded desire. Because they’re so very Virgo, you won’t even know they’re crazy exes. One day your life will just fall apart and you won’t know someone was the mastermind behind the whole thing.
Libra
Libras are the kind of crazy exes who go out of their way to win over your mutual friends. When you started the relationship, you may not have had any mutual friends, but when you leave it, rest assured that your friends will forever probably like Libra better. Libras are amazing at dealing with people, and their favorite way to say "fuck you" is to make the people you like love them more.
Scorpio
Scorpios are the kind of crazy exes who get straight-up aggressive about you leaving them. They’ll leave ’wtf’ comments on your social media and trash you to mutual friends. In their minds, no one hurts Scorpio, so they have to fight (what they perceive as) fire with fire.
Sagittarius
Sagittariuses are the kind of crazy exes who never mention the breakup ever again, like complete psychos. Sagittarians pride themselves on not being overly emotional; they don’t brood over broken relationships for long. To others, this seems bizarre to the point of disordered, but it’s an earnest expression of their personality to cut ties and move on in a practical fashion.
Capricorn
Capricorns are the kind of crazy exes who will try to make you feel guilty for moving on. They’ll invent reasons to keep you in their life—you owe $7.22 from your share of the electricity bill, you RSVP-ed to a cousin’s wedding as their plus-one, you left half a box of tea behind at their apartment—and then they’ll use their in-person time to guilt you into reconciling with them. More than any other type, Capricorns are prone to on-again/off-again relationships. They can drop their cold exterior and pretend to be chill and fun-loving long enough to lure someone back, but it always ends up the same.
Aquarius
Aquariuses are the kind of crazy exes who find someone else to take care of and become obsessed with their new pet project. Aquarians can’t stand to be without an interest that consumes them. They are masters of the rebound relationship. If you have an ex that met someone literally five minutes after your breakup and you can’t figure out why they even like this new person, they’re an Aquarius.
Pisces
Pisces are the kind of crazy exes who make you their muse. You’ll read about yourself in their stories or see bits of your personality in their artwork. Creative Pisces channel all their feelings into their craft, and breaking up is no different. If you’ve had an ex write an about you on the internet, they’re probably a Pisces.
Aries
- Dates
- March 21 – April 19
- Sign
- Ram
- Ruling planet
- Mars
- Zodiac quality
- Cardinal
- Element
- Fire
- Positive traits
- Energetic, Independent, Adventurous
- Negative traits
- Self-Centered, Shallow, Rude
If Aries was…
- A Starbucks Drink:
- Eggnog Latte
- A Color:
- Bright Red
- A Greek God:
- Zeus—king and father of the gods. The ruler of lightning, thunder.
- An Addiction:
- Caffeine
- An Alcoholic Beverage:
- Vodka & Red Bull
- A Drug:
- Steroids
- In A High-School Clique:
- Jocks
- A City:
- Chicago, Illinois
- A Harry Potter House:
- Slytherin
- An Untranslatable French Word:
- Cartonner—something that has had huge success
- A Kiss:
- Rough
- A Teen Movie:
- Mean Girls
- A Clothing Item:
- Leather Jacket
- A Famous Landmark:
- Mount Everest
- A Season:
- Summer
Aries — Personality traits
ARIES ARE VERY PRIMAL IN NATURE due to being born as the first sign in the zodiac. They tend to resist analysis or attempts to explain them, and they represent the ego and free will in their purest form.
Aries are energetic and commanding, fiery and prophetic. They are referred to as the dynamo because they are so progressive and compelling. They will always simply choose to exist how they are rather than try to understand why they feel what they do and act how they do through the eyes of others. This self-assured nature causes Aries to become upset and overwhelmed when people do not see them the way they see themselves.
Like young children, Aries often tend to be spontaneous, frank, and open, but also self-centered and willful. Also like a child, they approach the world with an optimistic innocence.
Known to be natural adventurers, Aries will always feel a strong impulse to explore. They are also very fond of being the star wherever they go, and they shine very brightly in social situations. Their egos never need the approval of others, as they are so self-assured, but they do demand that those around them pay attention to them, because they know how much they have to offer others. Aries that do not slow down and reflect on their actions and feelings run the risk of breaking down emotionally when their self-confidence is undermined by those who do not listen.
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What Aries Fear The Most
Aries are conflicted all the time. They want adventure, but they also want peace. They don’t want a boring life, but they want to make sure that their relationships and companionships are long-lasting and not just fleeting. Their insecurity causes them to live in perpetual fear of being broken up with or left by a best friend.
Likely Occupations For Aries
Aries are extremely competitive and strong-willed. Their vibrant nature and enthusiasm allow for them to excel in commission-based jobs. Their impulsive tendencies often cause them to be fearless and brave, setting them up to be police officers, firefighters, and other everyday heroes. Aries also make amazing entrepreneurs, soldiers, or politicians.
Likely Health Concerns For Aries
Aries are ruled by their head. Therefore, they are prone to headaches and very painful migraines. Aries on the go are often stressed, prone to accidents, and their bodies are usually beaten up and in need of rest.
Where To Take Aries On Vacation
Aries will always enjoy going somewhere they have never been. However, they are so competitive, they often want to vacation somewhere under the radar. If you want to take Aries on vacation, take them to an obscure island—somewhere you can barely find on a map. Make sure this place boasts a lot of things to physically challenge Aries such as mountains, cliffs, etc.
Aries'S Learning Style
Aries learn through their experiences. They jump right into uncharted territory, and this impulsivity teaches them everything they need to know. As a sign that thirsts for knowledge, Aries will never back down from learning something new.
Aries'S Kind Of Humor
Aries have a very goofy and physical approach to humor. They are extremely witty and are some of the funniest people in the zodiac.
Aries'S Favorite Pastime
Anything athletic or competitive. Aries are also fond of singing and joking around—karaoke is a guilty pleasure!
What To Say To Motivate Your Aries
Don’t ever forget just how strong you are—in your mind, in your emotions, and physically. You have the ability to move mountains with your heart and your words because you operate on such a level of extreme passion. Don’t ever lose touch of that. You are capable of so much, and you will always come out on top if you just remind yourself of that every single day.
