A sample of You Will Feel Whole Again
you will feel whole again
parm k.c.
Thought Catalog Books
Copyright © 2022 Parm K.C.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior written consent and permission from Thought Catalog.
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Produced by Chris Lavergne and Noelle Beams
Art direction and design by KJ Parish
Creative editorial direction by Brianna Wiest
Circulation management by Isidoros Karamitopoulos
thoughtcatalog.com | shopcatalog.com
First Edition, Limited Edition Pressing
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN 978-1-949759-61-7
While you are awaiting the big things, the big wins, and the pure elation, please indulge in the small moments of joy. They aren’t so small. They are the matter that make up something bigger. They are the ingredients for a life well lived, and days that end with a sigh of contentment. There is something so healing about taking pause to acknowledge when something small brings you a smile or a morsel of comfort. File these moments away. Keep a drawer in your mind where they live so you can pull from them as often as you need and remember that everything big is made up of a collection of the small.
Your healing belongs only to you. You are not healing for anyone other than yourself. Not to get someone back. Not to show someone what they’re missing. Not to prove anything to anybody. You are healing for you. So you can finally feel some serenity in your life. So you free up room to savor everything this world has to offer. So you can be present in your own glory. You are healing to access the part of you that can love again, exist again, smile again. You are healing for you. So that you may never again give your best to someone who doesn’t want good for you. So that you know better than to hand out love to every single person except yourself. You are healing so that the next time you walk through the dark, you will have faith that you’ll catch the light again.
The beautiful thing about the emptiness left behind by those who walked away is that it will give you room to grow, expand, and breathe. You can fill it with whatever you like. You can choose what will move into that space and what replaces the things it used to house. You can leave it vacant for a time and teach yourself not to fear the hollow, but rather to embrace it. Take your time to fill it. Every single thing that falls into every single place of your life should be intentional.
There’s no sense in me telling you that you’ll be okay because right now, I know you won’t believe me. You’ll think I just don’t know how you feel, or that I haven’t been hurt as deeply as you have, or that I simply couldn’t put myself in your shoes. None of this is true but I’m not here to convince you. So I’ll tell you something else instead. I’ll tell you that you’ll make it through this day. Today. I’ll tell you that if you take breath after breath, put one foot in front of the other, and move forward in even the tiniest way, that you will make it through this day. I’ll tell you that when you go to bed tonight, you should feel proud of yourself for facing the day and facing yourself and mentally preparing yourself to do it all over again tomorrow. I’ll tell you that if you try to make it through the day, each and every day, eventually it won’t feel so arduous. Eventually both the morning and your heart won’t feel so heavy. Eventually, you will feel whole again.
I’ve learned not to be so attached to any one version of myself. This is why I can let myself break so easily—I know I will rebuild something beautiful. I know there is no such thing as finding myself—that I am always right here within me. I know that love will change me, loss will change me, grief will change me. I don’t fight these changes. I step into every new me and take along the remnants of my past self that are engraved on me but which don’t define me. Everything I’ve been through is part of my unfolding, but none of it must be me if I don’t desire it to be. I grasp that who I am is fluid and I don’t owe the world the face they recognize. I only owe myself the vow to constantly unpeel my layers and let who I am just be. This is who I am.
I don’t believe in "the one who got away." I believe that often, when we feel like we were left, hurt, or forsaken, we were really saved, spared, and protected. We view the people who are gone as "the one who got away" because we view relationships from a place of lack. We think someone leaving us means we are now missing something. We look at the distance between them and us and see sadness instead of opportunity. We see destitution instead of a new beginning. We cannot seem to shed true light on the relationship to reveal whether it added anything positive to our life, because we are too busy staring at the perceived void left behind. But people who leave you are not always "the one who got away." Sometimes they are the bullet you dodged.
A non-exhaustive list of reasons you should pursue healing: You never deserved the hurt in the first place. Your life could feel so free on the other side of healing. You are magic, and you deserve to feel as such. You cannot live in the dark forever—you must let some sun in. The world needs your heart. You have barely scratched the surface of who you could be. Happiness looks beautiful on you. None of us knows how much time we have, and it would be heartbreaking if we spent it in pain. You will feel the weight lift off your chest. Life doesn’t have to be this heavy. You will attract into your sphere the people who deserve to be there. You will repel those who don’t. You will sleep a little better. And wake up with more conviction. You’ll feel like you can take deep breaths again. You will finally prioritize what matters to you. You can stop caring so much about what others think. You will protect your peace and wellbeing above all else. You will look back and be grateful. You deserve healing.
Seek a love that lets you love you too. A love that gives you room to be, just as you are. Seek a love that only grows the more you love yourself. One that isn’t scared of your loyalty and devotion to you. You deserve a love that sees only benefits in your healing. And which cheers at the sight of you thriving. A love that knows your love for yourself doesn’t take away your love for them. You should want for a love so self-assured that it does not feel threatened. One that doesn’t ask you to hide or bury yourself. A love that reminds you to love yourself, even on the days you’ve forgotten how.
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