A sample of If You’re Grieving,
By Jacqueline Whitney
Dedication
Mom, this is the first book I haven’t been able to tell you about in person. You were always the first person I would share everything with. I wish I didn’t have to write it. I wish this wasn’t real. But writing it helped me process my first year without you. Wherever you are, I hope you read this and know, this one’s for you.
too beautiful
for earth
“Perhaps they are not stars but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pour through and shine down on us to let us know they are happy.”
—ESKIMO PROVERB
Page 1
There are no words anyone can say that will take the pain of your grief away—you need to be seen, heard, and feel deep within you that you are not alone.
Page 2
The pain of losing someone never leaves your heart. One of the hardest parts of losing someone is having to relearn how to live again without them. A part of you goes with them once they are gone. The emptiness you feel is unimaginable. Having to live here without someone who is never coming back is one of the most painful, life-altering, confusing, human experiences.
I hope you know you have the strength within you to learn to live without them. Even on the days you don’t want to go another day without them, you can always find something to live for—in honor of them, don’t stop searching.
On your journey to living again, you will begin to sense them with you, around you, helping you through all of the little, big, and in-between moments. I promise, they are still with you, and slowly, you will begin to see signs of them all around you.
Pages 3–4
No, it’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to be living in a world without them. No matter how surrounded by support you are, it’s not the same, it’s not them. You don’t want to hear they’re still with you because they’re not here with you. You don’t want to hear they’re in a better place because you are not in that place with them. You need them here, not there.
When your entire being aches with despair and you can’t catch your breath, I hope you know you can give up. Break down. Let it out. You don’t have to be the one to hold everything and everyone together.
When the waves come crashing in and you feel too debilitated to keep holding your breath underwater, remind yourself that the waves always come and go. You can keep going. You always have the strength to hold on to your breath a little longer until this wave passes. You will catch your breath and keep going to live a beautiful life, for you, for them.
I’m not saying you’ll feel completely better because there’s no life without them that’s better, but the weight of the loss won’t always be so debilitating. The loneliness won’t always be so lonely. The sadness won’t always be so sad. You’ll always miss them. You’ll never be the same. A literal part of you is gone, a part of you is an angel.
You will live the rest of your days more alive than some ever do. You won’t take a second with the ones you love for granted. Grief changes you, it breaks a piece of you that could never be pieced back together because a piece of you is gone, but you will find the peace you need when you need it.
You will always have an extra special angel guiding you. You are a light.
They are the brightest star guiding you, shining all you need into you so you can live your greatest life. Go on, live your greatest life, for them, for you.
Pages 5–6
Grieving is learning to live with pieces of your heart missing. It is finding what works for you to get through the moments grief takes your breath away all over again. It is learning to fill lost memories you long for with meaning. It is holding the broken pieces of your heart up to the light within you and trusting the darkness will fade soon. It is holding on to people who hold your hands up with compassion and patience and letting go of people who hurt more than help.
Grieving is silently screaming and clawing your way back to life one breath at a time. It is trying to fill the unimaginable emptiness in your life now with beauty, joy, and little moments that remind you why living until you meet again is worth it. It is choosing to lead yourself through the deepest waters, knowing it will not be easy. It is trusting that you have the strength to get through and you deserve to live again. Keep your eyes above the waves.
Our loved ones want us to continue living and thriving—we are their favorite movie to watch every sunrise and sunset.
Grieving is sitting with yourself and acknowledging the pain. It is letting the feelings erupt out of the surface. It might hurt to heal but it hurts more to hold on.
Grieving is not pushing reality to the side and hoping the numbness will never wear off. It is not moving on to the next thought or doing whatever you can to distract yourself every time their name comes to mind. Think about them, feel them, that feeling is them, with you, now, trust.
It is easier to hide and stay where you are than to feel. But feeling and moving through your grief waters is the only way to move forward with your life. And along the way, you will find missing pieces of your heart again. You will find parts of your old self you loved most again. You will find them in synchronicities, in signs, in rainbows, and in laughter. You will find them in feelings and chills and in the moments you need them most. You will feel them and please do not doubt it when you do. They are with you wherever you go, through the calm and the rough.
Page 7
Not everyone chooses to allow themselves to truly grieve, to truly feel all of their feelings, because it is easier, it is more comfortable to hide than to feel. I am proud of you for feeling. Your ability to feel may some days feel like a burden but one day you will look back on your life and realize how much more life you experienced because of your willingness to feel.
Publication details
Copyright © 2024 Jacqueline Whitney.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior written consent and permission from Thought Catalog.
Published by Thought Catalog Books, an imprint of Thought Catalog, a digital magazine owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Co. Inc., an independent media organization founded in 2010 and based in the United States of America. For stocking inquiries, contact stockists@shopcatalog.com.
Produced by Chris Lavergne and Noelle Beams
Art direction and design by KJ Parish
Creative editorial direction by Brianna Wiest
Circulation management by Isidoros Karamitopoulos
thoughtcatalog.com | shopcatalog.com
First Edition, Limited Edition Print
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN 978-1-949759-97-6
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