You Don’t Love Pizza Until You Use This Towel To Become A Human Pizza Topping

There comes a time in every woman’s life—usually around when her delivery guy starts texting her—when she must take a hiatus from constantly eating pizza. It’s around this time that you’ll have exhausted any last bit of patience for that piercing, stale stench of week-old pizza. Perhaps you’re also suffering PTSD from a scarring roof-of-the-mouth cheese burn. You challenged some co-workers to a four-pie… read more

There comes a time in every woman’s life—usually around when her delivery guy starts texting her—when she must take a hiatus from constantly eating pizza. It’s around this time that you’ll have exhausted any last bit of patience for that piercing, stale stench of week-old pizza. Perhaps you’re also suffering PTSD from a scarring roof-of-the-mouth cheese burn. You challenged some co-workers to a four-pie eating contest, but no matter—they’ll understand; you’re at risk of becoming sick of pizza forever and you must, for the sake of spicy sausage everywhere, take a break. It certainly won’t be easy. Pizza has, after all, become a part of you—in the figurative sense, sure, but also quite literally too: you fear that a sudden and abrupt break from the ‘za might shock your system, causing your lungs to collapse and your organs to fail. No, you can’t go cold turkey, but you sure as hell can’t eat with that burn on the roof of your mouth. So what do you do? You lie—splay, spread eagle, rest, cuddle up, what have you—on this pizza towel and gradually ease your way off pizza like a good little addict should. The fact that this comes delivered in a pizza box only helps to soften the withdrawal.