You’ll Be Walking Much More Upright In These Majestic Boots

Praise the lord, but most importantly praise these shoes! Praise the tapestry-like, imposing, and queenly fabric with which they are coated, and praise the coating—oh yes! God have mercy on the thorough coating, from heel, to the mid-ankle top, and all the way to the sweet round toe. God bless them and the word jacquard—and that this word can be built upon to create such a fine, FINE fabric such as the gilded jacquard on these shoes! And now, let us all hold hands and pray that they make their way to my feet. Amen.